I was at my mansion on the last day of winter vacation when I invited Mike, Tom, Andrew, and Evan to sleep over. They were all nice kids besides Evan. They all arrived around 2:30, and it was negative 20 degrees outside. That day we had a madden tournament, I won of course. After I won, we went to my basement were the movie theater and bowling ally was. We watched Anchorman, my favorite movie, and went bowling. That Night when we were going to bed I was mad at Evan, I wanted to thresh him but instead we were going to decide were Evan was going to sleep. I said that he should sleep on the roof. Andrew said That Evan should sleep in the garage. Tom said that he should sleep in the dungeon, so we made Evan sleep in the dungeon, with the air conditioner on. There were no blankets and there was no bed to sleep on. It was very germane for Evan.
The next morning I got up at 5:30 and unlocked the dungeon, but Evan wasn’t awake, no one else was awake but me. I got ready for school by showering, eating chocolate chip Pancakes and I was getting my stuff ready, when I realized there was snow, so high that I couldn’t see out the window on the first floor. Then I decided to pull a prank on everyone. I set there alarm clocks to go of at 7:15 that left them 10 min to run to school. I shut all the window shades so that they wouldn’t see the snow and realize that it was a snow day. I shut of all the Televisions, and locked them with my secrets pass word, so they wouldn’t see that school was closed. Next, so they thought I was already at school, I went down stairs into my secret Basement which was accessible only by the rotating book case, which you could spin by taking out the book no one would ever even look at, which was To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee. In that room there was ping pong, an indoor pool, a dance floor, and the best equipment for a DJ. There was also a hot tube, and a water proof 60 inch television. I was watching the movie Dodge Ball when the book case started to move, Mike walked in with a look of Jubilee on his face.
“How did you get in here?” I asked.
“You left a book tilted and I knew you weren’t reading.” He said
“There is a big problem though.” I said
“What did you do?” Asked Mike with a guttural voice.
“I did nothing, I just don’t know were my chief and parents hid all the good food, and big dinner meals. All I know is how to make pancakes, but I ate all of them this morning and my parents and chief are stuck at the air port. They will not be home in about a week because of all this snow. There are only little snacks and cereal to eat which would last about two days. There are three boxes of Captain Crunch and two boxes of cookie crisp.”
“WAIT” I shouted “I have a secret stash of Hamburgers and Hot dogs but we have to use the oven and there are only have 20 hot dogs and 15 hamburgers. If we share with the others then we would each have a box of cereal, 4 hot dogs, and 3 hamburgers. That would last me about three days, but if we don’t share with them then it should last at least 5 days.”
“I don’t think that we should share with them.” Mike said thoughtfully.
“Me too” I said out of pure avarice “There is another problem.”
“What is the other problem?
“What are we going to do with the others? I have two proposals. We could either kill them or we subjugate them into the dungeon.”
“I’m not killing anyone Eddie, so let’s lock them in the dungeon.”
“I’ll go spy on them and you can trick them into the dungeon?” Mike said.
“Meet me in the dungeon in a half an hour.”
Thirty one minutes after our malignant collusion, Mike came up to the dungeon to find Eddie. When he found him there was a table with lobster, and all the food you could imagine, and on the table there was a sign that said “Eddie’s Food do not touch or else.” Then Eddie said “Like my hologram Mike?”
“Yes that looks very real, but the only real thing is the cereal boxes, right?
“Yes, Here come Evan, Tom, and Andrew, so when they run to the food I will press this button and the dungeon door will close and lock, the only way to unlock the dungeon is the key, that is in the book To Kill a Mocking Bird.
When they saw the food Andrew and Evan ran just like planned but Tom stopped with a shocked countenance. Andrew and Evan were trapped but Tom was standing at the top of the stairs. I couldn’t resist I ran at him and pushed him, he fell down the stairs like it was an icy escarpment. I chased him, but I was too slow, he fell into the fire and cut his head on a stalwart bulwark. I pulled him out and stomped the fire out, that was on him then he, began to lament. I decided to be nice and put him in a room with food and a bed, I also applied a poultice to his cuts. Four days later the snow melted and my parents came home. Andrew and Evan were felt lethargic. Mike, Tom, and I were fine, besides Tom’s healing third degree burns. Every one was ok with what we did and wanted to come over next weekend
15 comments:
1) sharing means caring
2) The plot was very easy to write
3) The setting was a little hard to describe in a short story because the setting was very complex
4)I would like to know how the story flows does is it too complex
I- The conflict in the story is that the four boys didn’t have enough food to stay alive for a week because the 7 feet of snow outside. The conflict is external. It is resolved by Eddie and Mike locking Andrew and Evan in the dungeon with just a little food. I wasn’t invested in the conflict because of all the dialogue, there was almost no description.
II- The protagonist doesn’t change much from the beginning of the story to the end.
III- My favorite part of the story was when Eddie went into the secret room. “I went down stairs and into my secret Basement witch was accessible only by the rotating book case witch you could spin by taking out the book no one would ever even look at witch was To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee.” This line stood out because it was kind of humorous.
IV- I think the story’s best quality was its ability to use dialogue that moves the story, but I think the author could have used less dialogue because it was getting a bet dull after 37 straight lines of dialogue.
V- The story’s theme is that you should be prepared in the event of a 7 foot snow storm. The author could make the parents proud of the boys for surviving the week on their own to make the conflict, as Mr.B-G says “blossom and bloom”.
VI- I think the author need to revise the grammar and punctuation. Also I think the author should think about removing some dialogue and adding some detail.
The conflict of the story is that Eddie pulled a prank on the boys that slept over his house and he is trying to make them think that there is school that day even though it is really a snow day. The conflict is external. The conflict is resolved when Eddie and Mike lock Even, Andrew, and Tom in the dungeon of his house with nothing to eat. I was invested a little bit with the resolution of the conflict because I did want to know if the boys would survive, but I did not really like it. I think that it could of been a little bit more dramatic if Eddie gave food to them but they have to decide which one gets the food anwhat ones have to suffer and starve.
The protagonist does not really change mush over the couse of the story, but maybe a little because he becomes clever and decides to lock his friends up in a dungeon with nothing to eat. This change is pretty important to the story because if the protagonist did not become more clever then he would of never locked his friends up in the dungeon. I think that the story would be pretty pointless if the protagonist did not change over the course of the time because then he would of not locked them up in the dungeon and there would be no point tom the story.
My favorite part of the story was when the protagonist locked his friends up in the dungeon of his house. This part of the story occured in the climax of the story."Then I decided to pull a prank on everyone. I set there alarm clocks to go of at 7:15 that left them 10 min to run to school. I shut all the window shades so that they wouldn’t see the snow and realize that it was a snow day. I shut of all the Televisions and locked them with my secrets pass word so they wouldn’t see that school was closed." I liked this part of the story because the word choice and the discription of the story was very good. That is why this quote of the story stod out to me.
I think that the tale's best quality is the conflict. I like the conflict of the story because it was very interesting and something that I never would of thought of. I think that the story's conflict was well described and interesting throughout thw whole story. I also think that the characters in the story were great. I felt like I knew the characters very well and knew everything all about them. Those are the parts that I liked about the story.
I think that the story;s theme is to always be prepared. I think that this is theme becuase the boys were not prepared and were stuck in the dungeon without any food to eat. Even though I think this is the quote I think that it is also impossible to be prepared for something like this. I think that the author plants the seeds by inviting his friends over for a sleep over, and then finishes it off by deciding to lock them in the dungeon with no food or water.
I think that the author of this short story needs to change some convention errors and look for the parts when he misused some grammar. If the author changes these parts of his story, then I think that the author will get a good grade on his story. O ther than that I liked the story and thought that it was written well and was very descriptive. Those are the things that I would change if I was the author.
the conflict of this story was that there were no food in the house and they had to somehow stay alive for a week.the snow blocked them from geting out and from there parents coming home from the airport.
the protagonist doesnt really change throughout the story and is kind of boring.
my favorite part of this story is that when eddie decided to have all of the alarm clocks go off late so they only have 10 mins for them to get ready for school and eat breakfast. if was kind of funnny that he did that.
i think that this storys best quality was that its dialog and its vocbulary, it was interesting. they were kid of kiddish words.
the author needs to look at his over 5 plots and see if his story makes sense.
The conflict of the story is that the boys are trapped in the house, with no mistake. The conflict is external. It is resolved by eddie and mike helping tom but locking evan and andrew. I was interested in the outcome because I was in the story so i wanted to know what happned in the end.
The protaginist does not change throughout he story.
I think the story’s best quality was its ability to use dialogue that moves the story, but I think the author could have used less dialogue because it was getting a bet dull after all the lines of dialogue.
I think that the tale's best quality is the conflict. I like the conflict of the story because it was very interesting . I think that the story's conflict was well described and interesting throughout the whole story. I think that the characters in the story were great. I knew the characters very well and knew everything all about them. Those are the parts that I liked about the story.
The theme of the story is that you should always be prepared for anything even sometihng unpredictable.
I saw some conventional errors in your story so you should just go back and revise it. Overall I thought the story was very good.
1. The conflict is that Mike and Eddie have to decide what to do with the food and the other boys at the house. The conflict is internal. It was resolved by them deciding to trap them in the dungeon with only two boxes of cereal for 3 days. The resolution of the conflict was boring. It could have been more dramatic if something big happened.
2. The main character doesn’t really change over the course of the story. He still remains mischievous and mean. However, he does get a little nicer when he lets Tom stay with him and Mike and pulls him out of the fire. If he did change, the story would have been more interesting and exciting.
3. My favorite part of the story was when Eddie created a hologram of food to trick the other friends. This occurred in the climax. “What are we going to do with the others? I have two proposals. We could either kill them or we could trick them to go into the dungeon and look them.” This stood out to me because it was really dramatic and not realistic for the story and it has nothing to do with the prank. No one would actually kill someone on a prank.
4. The tale’s best quality was the use of dialogue. This was good because there was a lot of it so it showed you what the characters would sound like and think if they were in a conversation. Also, it helps the story with the little details that are not provided through narration.
5. The story doesn’t really have a theme. I could not find in because the author did not develop it well enough or give clues as to what it is. I think this story needs to have a theme to make it more interesting.
6. The author should add a theme and check for spelling and grammer. First there is no theme, which needs to be included. Secondly, there were a lot of spelling mistakes, which made it difficult to follow and understand the story.
I. There were two conflicts in this story, an internal and an external conflict. The internal conflict was whether or not Eddie and Mike should share the food with anyone and the external conflict was between everyone and finding food to eat for a whole week. It was resolved by Eddie, Mike, and Tom locking Evan and Andrew in the dungeon. What would make the story more dramatic is if Andrew and Evan started banging on the dungeon door complaining that they were dying.
II. Neither the protagonist nor the antagonist changes over the course of the story. Eddie and Mike’s great epiphany was when they decided to lock Andrew and Evan in the dungeon. What could be different is the way you lured them down into the dungeon.
III. My favorite part of the story is when Mike, Eddie, and Tom decide to lock Andrew and Evan in the dungeon. It occurred during the falling action. “You are correct Mike. Shhhh, here come Evan, Tom, and Andrew so when they run to the food I will press this button and the dungeon door will close and lock and the only way to unlock it is the key that is in the book To Kill a Mocking Bird. When they saw the food Andrew and Evan ran just like planned but Tom stopped in shock. Andrew and Evan were trapped but Tom was standing at the top of the stairs. I couldn’t resist I ran at him and pushed him he fell down the stairs and I chased him but I was too slow he fell into the fire. I pulled him out and stomped the fire out that was on him.”
IV.The story’s best quality is the humor that the author uses. The entire story was all humor and the author did a very good job making the story funny.
V. I think the story’s theme is that you should always be prepared. Some things the author could do to develop the theme better are mention something about this never happening to Eddie before.
VI. The author needs to proofread the story better. There were several words misspelled, the author didn’t use quotation marks correctly, and it doesn’t seem like there are any paragraphs in the story.
Hey Gracie McBitch I don’t even know you and this blog and story was for school, if your blog is not for school get a life. To kill a mocking bird was about Tom Robinson getting accused for sexual assault and found guilty because he was black and then shoot because the jury was Racist. Atticus (the dad) incase you didn't know was getting threats from people because he was defending a black man.
1)furtive
2)thresh to punch reapeatedly. What Eddie wanted to do to Evan.
3)jubilee Suppriesed how mike felt when he was entering the secreat room.
4)gutteral noise from throat mike said in that tone
5)avarice gread i said with pure avarice
6)subjugate trap we subjugated them to the dungeon
7)malignant evil adj to our plan
8)collusion secreat agreement me and mike had one.
9)countenancefacial expression Tom add a shocked one.
10)escarpment steep slope Tom fell down somthing like this.
11)stalwart strong Tom hit a strong wall
12)bulwark wall Tom hit a strong wall.
13)lament cry Tom cryed after he fell.
14)poultice bandadge applied to cuts. We applied some to Toms cuts
15)lethargic tierd how Evan and Andrew felt after not eating for a week.
hey gracie, you're one to talk..
you're making gramatical errors, while trying to bash someone elses writing.
FYI you used the wrong homophone.
you said your, but it really is suppost to be you're.
next time try to act like you know something, i would suggest revising your work!
My biggest change was adding vocab words and taking out unneeded dialogue.
The comments were more helpful than the peer editing sheet because I got more input than the peer editing sheet.
My best strength is the humor because it keeps the readers entertaining.
Have an entertaining story or else no one will give you serious comments because they did not pay attention.
haha 'idot'
im sorry. i shouldnt have said that. i had no right to comment on someones assigment that i didn't evenknow. you can say i told you so all you want, but thats it.
Gracie r u a teacher or r u in high school collage middle school or what
Y'all keep it cordial up in here.
Post a Comment