Values in Amirica have gotten worse and worse in my opinion. People use to value family, friends, time outside, clothes, and shoes. They also valued there sports teams and there equipment. Now some people don't see the true values of there life. They don't see past the T.V, the ipods, he computer, and cell phones. These items may be help full but is it your most valubale item or memorie. I honestly think that there is so much more to life then tecnolagy.
My values are very important to my favorite thing to do. My priced item is the most important piece of equipment to play my favorite sport. The priceless moment is the most exciting part of my favorite thing to do the serge of energy is just the best feeling in the game.
The price item is my soccer cleats. Soccer cleats are most important piece of equipment that is used in my favorite game. Some people care the most about there shoes or jeans to be fashionable. The only fashion that I care about is my soccer cleats. I just love to lace up my cleats and run around and kick the ball around. The leather boots as the Europeans call them are just like a girls leather high heels.
I get new cleats every fall and spring. In fall I play for
My priceless moment is when I see the soccer ball fly into the goal and my heart just starts racing and I feels like everyone around can see one person. All of my teammates swarm me and jump on me and there all exited. The other team just looks at me with discussed and right there I know that they all want to be me. It feels great to know that I just mad the other team hate me for scoring on them. The only better feeling then that is when I scored with no time and they lost because of me and I the hero of the day and then every one talks about it for a couple of days. That’s kind of my 15 minutes of fame.
My favorite goal that I have ever scored was for my all western mass team against an all central mass team in 2007. It all started with a corner kick for my team. Kyle sends a high lofted ball into the air and teammate Jon kicks the ball and hits the crossbar. I am standing in front of the goalie and we see the ball hit the crossbar and about to drop right in front of us. He dives hands stretched out hoping the ball will fall into his hands. I throw all my weight towards the ball and it hits my head and roles into the goal. I get up covered in mud and I’m instantly swarmed by my teammates. I have scored the goal that puts us up 2-0 with not much time left that will send us to state quarterfinals. My perfect goal ended up to be the game winning goal of that game and we later on won the state championship.
When my favorite item and my priceless item combine to make a great day, it’s a great day because everyone likes to be the center of attention and I just love to play soccer in my fitted kangaroo leather cleats. I wish I could wear my $160 cleats to school because there my favorite and most comfortable and most expensive piece of footwear I have. My perfect goal ended up to be the game winning goal.
In conclusion I wouldn’t sell my cleats for anything except if I could buy more or better cleats. I wouldn’t change my priceless moment for any thing because it is the most exiting moment in sports because there are so few goals in soccer that it makes it even more special.
8 comments:
In this essay Eddie says that his soccer cleats and the game winning goal are two things that he values. I would say he likes his game winning goal better because that will always be with him when he said his cleats will be replaced every spring and fall and will probably be forgotten.
I think that his game winning goal was described most vividly when it says "Kyle sends a high lofted ball into the air and teammate Jon kicks the ball and hits the crossbar. I am standing in front of the goalie and we see the ball hit the crossbar and about to drop right in front of us. He dives hands stretched out hoping the ball will fall into his hands. I throw all my weight towards the ball and it hits my head and roles into the goal." This was very descriptive and made it nice to read.
I think that this essays overall strengths was his conclusion because it really showed what his object was and what his valueless item was. He really makes it clear so it was very good.
For Eddie's essay I would advise re-reading it to make sure that everything makes sense and there is no errors. Good job Eddie.
Personally i think that Ed values his cleat higher than scoring the game wining goal. I think this because he talks about his cleats at a higher level than his goal. HE says he loves cleats more than any other priced item he owns. Also that he wouldn't trade them for anything except more cleats or better cleats.
I found Eds goal the highest described. He Said there is no feeling in the world like scoring the winning goal in a big game. Although he talks highly of this part it still doesnt compare to his cleats.
I think eds strength is that he is organized. His writing is very clear. You know when he switches topics. Also you know what he is talking about all the time. Its clear and easy to follow.
I suggest that Ed should revise his grammar. I found a lot of misspellings and grammar mistakes. He should revise this because it is important to getting a good grade.
I think the author is trying to say that value is something that can’t be traded. The author says that when something comes in a small number it can be one hundred times more valuable to you personally because of something special. The author says that he values his soccer cleats and scoring a goal in a soccer game. He says that he wouldn’t trade the memory of his soccer goal for anything, but would trade his cleats for a better or more pairs of cleats.
I would have to say that when the author scored the goal for his Western United team it was described most vivid. You can get a sense of what is happening in order for him to score the goal, when he scores the goal, and the effects of the goal. For example the author says, “It all started with a corner kick for my team. Kyle sends a high lofted ball into the air and teammate Jon kicks the ball and hits the crossbar. I am standing in front of the goalie and we see the ball hit the crossbar and about to drop right in front of us. He dives hands stretched out hoping the ball will fall into his hands. I throw all my weight towards the ball and it hits my head and roles into the goal. I get up covered in mud and I’m instantly swarmed by my teammates. I have scored the goal that puts us up 2-0 with not much time left that will send us to state quarterfinals. My perfect goal ended up to be the game winning goal of that game and we later on won the state championship.” This shows exactly what the value of the soccer goal was to him.
One of the strengths in the essay was the writing style. The author’s writing style made me get a sense of what the author was feeling. Also, it let me know just how valuable each object is to the author. For example, the author says that he doesn’t care what the other team thinks of him, all he cares about is having the spotlight for those 15 minutes.
A suggestion I would give the author would be to try to use clearer vocabulary terms and adjectives to describe the items. I feel that if you try to do this, your reader will understand what the essay is about better and what you feel about each item. Also, try to make the introductory paragraph hook me into the story because after reading that paragraphs, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to finish reading the essay.
Very nice Eddie, very nice. i thought this essay was very good. you are talking about your soccer cleates and your priceless moment or moments is making a goal in a game and your whole team swarming you.
Out of the two i thought for sure that you scoring a goal was explained in the most detail.
It really seemed like i was you and i scored the goal and my whole team swarmed me. It was just incredible how reading that essay made me feel inside. I cant explain it.
One of the overall strengths in your essay was writing style. Your style was so good that i wanted to keep reading ane reaking. But i couldn't because the essay was over.
I would probably check out your spelling. i saw a couple of mistakes in the second and third paragraphs. but other than that the essay was fenominal.
Eddie states that his two things that he values the most are his ga,me winning goal and his soccer cleates. I think that Eddie values his game winning goal more than his cleats because the game winning goal is something that doesnt happen much and you will probably remember that more than your soccer cleats.
I think that his game winning goal was described very well. I liked the part when he says that the ball hit off the crossbar and he put all of his wieght towards the ball and it hit his head and rollednto the goal. I thought that that part of the story was very descriptive and detailed.
I think that a strength in his story is that he is very organized. I think this because the story flows along very well and I did not get lost in the story. All of the paragraphs were in order and focused on the main thing. It was well organized.
I would try to make sure that there are no errors in the story and make sure that it all makes sense. Great job on your essay Eddie.
Eddie, I really enjoyed reading your essay. You say that your cleats and the game winning goal are the two things you value most, but I think it is the game winning goal that you value more, because it will never go away unlike your cleats, which will only be replaced after each season.
When you say,"All of my teammates swarm me and jump on me and there all exited. The other team just looks at me with discussed and right there I know that they all want to be me." I can really realate to this. I think the way you described the glory of getting a goal makes me understand why you value it so much. I think that this was a part you described vividly.
I think your strength was that you used a lot of description and you also kept your writing very organized.
The only thing I would suggest is re-reading your work to make sure that everything makes sense. Other then that great job Eddie!
The author of this essay values his soccer cleats and scoring a game winning goal. He believes that there is a difference between how he values the two. He likes his soccer cleats because they allow him to play a game he likes a lot and he likes scoring game winning goals because he likes soccer.
The item I found most vividly described was the author’s description of his description of him scoring a game winning goal. He explains who passed it to him and how he ended up scoring the goal. He did a good job describing how when he scored he felt like he was the only person anyone was looking at.
One overall strength of this essay was the author’s ability to describe his game winning goal. He described it in a way where I could really picture what was happening. I could picture what happened in order for him to get the ball and score.
One suggestion I have for revision would be to create a better opening paragraph. It was very boring and hard to follow because there was a run-on sentence that didn’t make any sense. I would suggest making an opening paragraph that’s easier to follow so it can attract the reader.
In eddie's essay he mentions having the serge of energy when scoring a goal and he admires his soccer cleats.
The priceless moment / object that i think was best discribed in his essay is his soccer cleats. saying how they are his type of "fashion" also he says he loves to lace them up and run around with a ball while wearing them.
In eddie's value essay, i think his description about his cleats and the joy of scoring a goal. also his organization is very well.
one thing i think he needs to work on are writing the right word and placing commas where they need to be. he seems to use the worng word in his sentences as well. other wise proofread your essay eddie :) good job!
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